dreams only dreams...

sy tgu awk tp awk x muncul2...

awk tau x...

stpkli msg dgn awk,sy asyk t'senyum sorg2 je tau...

bl teringat awk pn sy senyum...

sy sllu seru nma awk dlm ati sy dgn hrpan awk akn mncul dlm mimpi2 sy...

sy bhgia sgt recently bl awk sllu msg sy..

ari2 awk msg sy n ari2 sy senyum sorg2 tau...

cme awk je yg blh wat sy gler bayang cmni...'

bl awk msg sy tp awk amek msa tok reply my msg,sy t'tnye2 awk watpe...

kadang2 tu jeles jg bl t'fkr awk mayb kua dgn pompuan len,bkn sy...

sedih jg bl fkr camtu tp sy xleh nk halang cz 2 hak awk...

tp sy nk sgt2 awk tau jauh d sudut ati sy, terbit 1 perasaan halus yg dh sedaya upaya sy cbe buang jauh2 tp perasaan 2 ttp hadir jg...

dr dlu lg perasaan 2 wujud wlupn hbgn kte skrg ni x lbh drp seorg kwn...

tp sy dh syg awk sgt2...

tipula klu sy ckp ati sy x t'sentuh bl awk lyn sy dgn baik n mesra...

tp skrg ni sy xtau nk watpe...

sy cbe jauhkn dri dr awk tp ttp x blh cz syg 2 giler menebal n sebati dlm ati ni...

tp sy tau 1 ari nti awk akn tglkn sy n sy akn t'luka pedih...

ups n downs...

bl d uji dgn mcm2 mslh kesihatan yg berterusan,
kadang2 t'lps jg mulut ni...
"knp ak yg d uji??
x laratla mcm ni..."
tp bl tersedar keslpn dri yg x penah m'syukuri nikmat n ujian dr-Nya,
lantas ati b'istighfar lalu mngeji dri...
ni peringatan dr Allah...
m'hapus dosa2 kecil...
sbrla k...

budi @ hati

antra budi n kta ati...
xtau mne 1 nk dituruti....
budi yg memakan dri....
memaksa dri bertoleransi...
t'pkse mngikat janji...
wlu itu bkn yg d ingini...

20hb sept 2011

2 ari lps pas bgn tdo...

rse mcm ad something je x kna ngn my private part...

bengkak tetibe...

tp ingtkn bese2 je...

siap blh jln2 kt mall lg pastu...

n then rse skt lak...

mlm 2 bgtau sya sal ni...

then ktorg g google sme2...

dpt byk website sal bartholin cyst...

tp ak dgn yakinnye ckp xkna la bnda ni cz bengkak 2 x sme tmpat dgn gmbr yg website 2 tnjukkn...

sok pgnye lak g kls cam bese...

nk jln 2 lak mcm org bru tgh beranak...

gler skt...

blk2 dr library, g bli ubat kt farmasi...

bl dh telan sebiji,ak cek smula my private part 2...

hah...time 2 cuak x t'kata...

bengkak 2 mkin truk n siap ad benjol lg...

trus google lg skli n dpt 1 website ni...

website mcm "tnye Pakar" la..

then ak bce die pnya prob...

sebiji mcm ak...

ak trus decide nk g klinik...

1st time dpt courage 2 meet d doc...

tp ak dpt lak brite yg x best...

mmg btl ak d sahkn ad bnda 2...

BARTHOLIN CYST...

cuak...

gabra...

takut...

air mta xyah ckpla...

asyik nk kua je...

doc mmg ckp bnda ni x siyes n xd effect in d future..

tp ak kna wat operation dooo...

n bnda ni ad kemungkinan akan berulang smula nti...

d 1st person yg ak cri slen dr housemate ak ialah.....

jeng3x...zaqrul hisyam....

knp die??

sbbnye he's my bestie n my gud listener n advisor...

die nshtkn tok ak proceed wif d operation asap...

he's my spirit, my strenght actually...

tp jgn slh fhm...

hbgn ktorg cme kwn je...

die sntiasa ad d saat ak ad prob ngn fmly...ngn kwn2 ak...

bl ak down gler2, die x jemu2 bg nsht...

*ad hikmatnye ktorg break up dlu cz hbgn yg skrg ni pn jd lg b'mkna dr dlu...

then last nite my lil bro called me..

i told him about dis n asked him 2 keep his mouth off from my parent...

but he did loudspeaker without my knowledge...

giler sengal...

my mum didn't give her consent 2 me 2 do d operation...

she said,"xpyh bedah2...ubat kg je..bedah2 ni bkn leh cye...nti mcm2 efect..."

bl ak ckp ak stil nk operate, my mum mcm mrh2...

nada suara pn dh len gler....

die bntah bulat2 kptsn ak...

n die lps tgn mcm 2 je...

ya Allah...ak sgt2 down...

parent ak sndr x support ak...

d saat ak perlukn kekuatan tp ak d beri kegundahan yg teramat dr org yg ak syg..

spe lg yg ak cri saat ni slen dr zaqrul...

yg sntiasa ad d saat2 ak perlukn some1 tok dgr luahan ati ak...

thanks awk cz sntiasa ade d cc sy...

because u love me...

For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I'll be forever thankful baby
You're the one who held me up
And never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through, through it all

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'cause you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
I'm grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I don't know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you

 
You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
The light in the dark shining your love into my life
You've been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of you


I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

finding out...

if i hv financial prob, juz tell him...he will helps me out...thanks but no thanks...wlupn awk ckp awk ikhlas nk tlg sy tp sy mmg x ske nk sshkn org...even nk mnta duit kt my parent n my big bro pn sgt2 jarang...dr asasi smpaila skrg...ni lak nk mnta kt org lua...mmg x la...me pnya mind set, sgt2 xnk t'utang budi kt org len cz budi 2 cnfirm me x mampu nk bls blk n akan d bwa smpi mati...time 2 mula la rse nk jd servant je 2 dat person yg b'budi kt ak 2..."hoh...sje je tmbah cite...hehe"...but siyesly la...x penah t'fkr pn nk mnta simpati org len n sgt2 xnk org len kuakn duit demi ak...

mcm2...

ok...sok dh start sem bru...cuaksss....dis sem kna b'jimat cermat cz ptptn me tolak dis sem....reason??me kna extend 1 sem sbb x amek elektif msa part 3...adoi...mcm sengal je kna extend sbb dat only one subject...kt kpla ak skrg ni, part 7 nti nk amek subjek 2 je ke or drop subjek len tok amek sme2 time part 7 nti??hoh...puas nk pk ni...kna wat d rite decision spya x tmbul mslh d kemudian ari...tp d bigger prob here is me x ckp pn kt my family especially my parent ttg kna extend 1 sem tu...n ttg ptptn yg me septutny dpt dis sem tp me me tolak pn me x ckp lg kt dorg sume...cmne ni??me dh sengkek ni cz yuran kna byr sndr..if tell them d truth, cnfirm duit dh x jd mslh tp x smpi ati nk bgtau...tkut dorg trase ati je cz me wat kptsn cmni sorg2...x tnye pndpt dorg dlu...huwargh...serabai kot...